An Unresolved Vasana

Not feeling sweet within.  That was something I felt inside a few years ago.  I hadn’t done anything to feel that way, but the actions of people I worked with at the time created that feeling in me to the point that I found myself desperate for a solution, and starving for and eating a good many types of sweets to make up for that feeling.   Being diabetic that was a dangerous action that I could not stop.  In that situation I could not ever feel accepted no matter what I did.   

Even if you have done nothing wrong and are working your best, if people around you go out of their way to make your life miserable by trying to trump things up so you will be fired, it can affect you.  This is a form of bullying.  It is very subtle and it is very cruel.   It hurt terribly.  One of those people I thought of as a friend and in fact I had helped her get a better paying position in the company we worked at.   I had known her for a number of years. 

I watched those people taking advantage of their positions and pretty much running the business into the ground by playing around during work time, taking money from the cash drawer, refusing to do the production work needing to be done to create income for the little company we worked for, not following state wage laws, manipulating their work hours.  In general, they were just playing around.  I was not working that way, so I needed to be removed. 

I was made to feel like I was wrong, bad, and rocking the boat.  Working under those conditions over a period of time I ended up needing to go to urgent care and found out that due to the stress created on the job my blood sugar was over 400.  This is what stress can do to a diabetic.  With no money to pay my wage, I was laid-off.  The added stress of no income to pay for medications, rent or food, I left a company that when I began working there years before, I really loved. 

Why am I writing about this now?  It still bothers me.  And people who bully need to see how their actions affect those they bully, and situations around them.  They are very cruel and selfish people.  Bullying is very cruel and insidious.  It is also very subtle and hard for the victim to explain.  As I write this I am thinking about the young man with the knives this week.  One needs to ask, where does all that rage come from?  We either implode or explode.  I imploded and destroyed some more of my body.  He exploded.  Who is to blame?  We need to all look at our actions and how they affect our world, and be responsible.   Bullying needs to STOP!  There is no place for it in the future. 

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